I Hate You Because I Love You
by ShadowStalker16
Summary: The story of the two people we wish were together. Kept apart by the circumstances of their situation. The things we do to be with the ones who hurt us the most. For they are our Clarity, no matter the tragedy.
1. Realization

Hey Guys First Timer here. This is kind of a fumbled attempt at writing in this setting. Or any setting in Fanfiction for that matter so be kind let me know if you like I might continue it or just leave it as it is. You never know with writing. Thank-You for clicking on my story I hope you like it.

:)

P.S This is an Edited Version. Not a lot but a little.

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_I'm not good enough. You don't have to lie to me; I know that it would never work out. I'm not your Everything, not like she is._

_Believe me, I know what it means to have unrequited love. That's my whole love life story. _

_I fall in love with men who wouldn't even have the first thought about me let alone a second thought. You're no different. No matter how much I wish you were._

_They tell me I'm half way there you know; if I take the glasses off, dumb down a little maybe choose different colors for my wardrobe. Be less geeky. Don't ramble._

_But I couldn't do that. Not even for you; I'm not sorry. Maybe I am, I'm not sure. (Not that it'd matter anyway) You might think I could do it for you; that I'd do anything to be able to be with you but I can't because if I compromise on myself what does that say about me._

_To others it might say that I'd do anything for the one I loved and I get that. I really, really get that. But to me it would be the opposite; if the one you love can't take you for you, than darling, it was doomed from the start._

_But like I said you're in love with Laurel. Beautiful, gorgeous, ex-girlfriend Laurel. Not me; the quirky, socially awkward, geeky Felicity. So it doesn't matter. _

Silence echoed around her. The absence of the tapping of keys seemed to roar in her ears. Raising her hand and pulling her glasses off, she wiped the stray tears that had escaped, despite her best efforts to hold them in.

"You're so stupid", she whispered to herself. She knew that they would never work. His fate was practically written in the stars. And unfortunately she was from a completely different solar system.

Like looking into a telescope and hoping and dreaming to be part of that world knowing it would become a part of yours but never a part of theirs. Giving a small laugh laced with pain she shook her head and blew air out of her mouth in an imitation of a sigh.

"C'mon Felicity your good, everything's going to be fine" she whispered to herself as tears began welling up in her eyes as she tried to pep talk herself out of crying. She wasn't usually this emotional but after what happened today it hit her like a ton of bricks that, as much as she loved Oliver he wouldn't love her back. So she had turned to her computer and decided that was the best way to vent when no one was there to listen and write it all down on her computer to purge it from herself, and usually it worked but today the more she wrote the worse she felt and the harder she wanted to cry. Giving up she allowed the dam to break. The tears began to fall as she recalled what had happened a few short hours ago.

She realized why Oliver was so harsh with her earlier, trying to get her to leave after she offered to hack the FBI database. Before she understood who Helena was and what exactly she wanted. She had thought he was just trying to get rid of her again, pushing her out trying to exclude her. She should have trusted Oliver for having a legitimate reason for being so cruel about it. Not that it mattered anyway, but she had to open her big mouth and offer and look at her now. She was tied up, laying on the floor with tears yet again running down her face. Unsurprisingly Helena had not taken the hint and stuck around in town to do more digging on her father's where about's. Except this time she had come to Felicity and asked not nicely she might add, to break into federal government files and locate which safe house he father was being moved to.

She didn't need much persuasion to do it, as cowardly as that seemed, for she had seen the damage Oliver could do with his bow and though hers wasn't much to be compared to, ?to his Helena didn't have his kind of restraint.? She went as slow as she possibly could but Oliver was probably out with McKenna just like she told him to. Ironic, right? So he hadn't shown up as fast as she had hoped. Fear began to corse through her. Hearing footsteps approaching, she feared it was Helena coming back to finish the job. An urgent shout of her name pulled her out of her thoughts. Recognizing Oliver's voice she called his name out twice trying to get louder so he would hear but failing as a chocked sob betrayed her relief. "I'm here, his reassuring voice sounded in her ears before a more urgent question left his mouth "Are you okay?" as he cut her out of her bonds. His hand reached out to cup her face helping her to sit up before asking again more gently.

Nodding, she moved to answer but then she hear more footsteps and Oliver exploded into a defensive position, readying himself to throw the knife he had just recently used to release Felicity. Diggle barged in holding up one hand in surrender to avoid having a knife thrown at him. Oliver recognized Diggle entering with a gun and in return he lowered his knife.

A minute later, Felicity was relaying information about Helena and how she had given it to her. Disappointed in herself, she rushed to apologize to Oliver, who would have none of it interrupting her with a kind and gentle voice telling her that it wasn't her fault. He paused a minute looking in her eyes as if asking her for something, something she didn't understand. Making sure she was okay.

And then suddenly he was gone moving toward the door. He had switched gears so quickly she was thrown when she could practically see the waves of anger pouring off him. One moment he was gentle and caring and the next stone cold and angry. Hesitant Diggle voiced out the question both of them were wondering, "Oliver, what are you going to do?" A cold and chilled response dripping with venom was resounded, "What I should have done in the first place."

Diggle walked her home and he had even checked her apartment for her, making sure that everything was locked and secure. He had offered to stay the night if she still felt rattled and unsure but she had kindly refused, telling him that if Helena wanted to kill her she would have already done it after she had finished making her hack the FBI database. After all she had her father to kill.

That had been three hours ago. It was now two o'clock in the morning and she was still awake processing what had occurred and coming to the realization that she was in love with Oliver. She knew better too. Sure he was hot, sexy, beautiful even, but she knew his history. He changed sure, but the history she was talking about was with Laurel.

Laurel was the world to him and he would do anything for her. Even let his best friend be with her. Of course it wasn't just Laurel, there was McKenna too but that was doomed from the start. Sure she told him to pursue her, I mean for heaven sakes she was a cop. But only an idiot would actually think it was going to work out.

Idiot. She called him. Both him and herself.

It burned though, because his ex-girlfriend had terrorized her and could have killed her and yet, not once after rescuing her had he called to check up on her. Not one text or E-mailed, or come in person, God forbid. I mean she was just part of the Green Arrow team tough as nails that one, right? Wrong, one so many levels?!

She had taken a long bath, and tried to get control of her thoughts and emotions before stepping out of her bathroom two hours later and was a little more composed and together. But she couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss ever since she had gotten out of the bath but couldn't place what was bothering her. She had sat at her laptop for an hour in her room, writing down what ever had come to mind about what she was feeling.

Feeling restless she got up and went to her small yet cozy Island kitchen making herself some Earl Grey tea before downing some Advil to help with her head ache, to hopefully get to sleep. Not that the caffeine would help but she needed something hot and it was all she had. She sank down in her comfortable computer chair before pulling up the document labelled Oliver Queen, debating whether not she should discarding it or save it decisions, decisions. She chose the latter, deciding to keep it and then closed it.

She shut down her laptop and slipped out of her hoodie keeping her boxers on and into her oversized green t-shirt with the faint smell of Oliver's expensive cologne that had one way or another gotten on it. She paused revelling in how comforting that scent had gotten during her time with Oliver. She would never know how his smell had ended up on her sleepwear. She walked around her apartment checking the six windows, the door and the security system that had been recently installed because the apartment building suddenly got a bunch more money from some anonymous donor. Didn't matter though, you never look a gift horse in the.

Finally she resigned herself to the fact that she had to go to sleep; to the dreams that plagued her at night, dreams filled with Oliver Queen. Dreams where she was standing beside him, kissing him, loving him, even the dreams where she was in bed with him. As much as that knowledge embarrassed her it was all she had. She had the tiniest part of Oliver and now that she could admit to herself she loved him, even if it was only in her head, and when she was tired of lying to herself, right before she fell asleep, it was worth it.

She hated him because of that fact. She hated him because even if he was the world's coldest bastard toward her; always taking her for granted, it was still worth every minute of being near him. She hated him because he aroused such deep dark feelings in her and he didn't even care. He was too busy with everyone else to notice anything about his hard working IT girl right under his nose.

She would remain beside him as long as he needed her. As much as admiring him from a distance, wishing, dreaming, and hoping from a far hurt. It was enough to make her stay. With those final thoughts she drifted off into the dream of Oliver and everything she ever wanted. Right before her eyes fell shut a shadow seemed to move outside her bedroom window but it didn't register in her mind as she was already asleep.

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Thanks For Reading.

As a First-Timer Reviews would be Lovely, Beautiful, Cry Worthy even. So go ahead give me your thoughts and I can make this story your story too.

P.S If there are spelling errors point them out I miss them sometimes.


	2. Fear

_Hey Guys, I know it's late three days late. I apologize. But you should be happy I wrote way more. I kinda let it run away with so if it has too much in it sorry. __I did make some changes to the first chapter so you might want to go back and read it just to make sure you understand everything about it. There shouldn't be too many grammar or selling errors if there are point them out and I'll fix them. __I did borrow a few ideas from another Fanfiction story with the alarm system but that was too good of an idea to pass up. It won't be all about it but just letting you know that the idea wasn't mine originally. _

_Secondly THANK-YOU to those of you who reviewed. You guys are the best. I Hope you liked this chapter as well. _

_Enjoy :D _

*New added sentence at the end*

With those final thoughts she drifted off into the dream of Oliver and everything she ever wanted. Right before her eyes fell shut a shadow seemed to move outside her bedroom window but it didn't register in her mind as she was already asleep.

-On with the Story-

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Chapter 2: Fear

Fear. It is a simple common feeling human beings can relate to. Something everyone is no stranger to, something no one can escape. Fear is something that can band together a group of complete and utter strangers. How you ask; well it's quite simple really, through the most basic instinct of all. Programmed into every single being out there in the world. The instinct to survive. The Instinct to survive is a drive that can be driven by fear, pain, death. These are things we fear and in return we will do anything to avoid them. That is the art and craft of surviving. We cling to that one feeling, one thought, one hope, something unique to us all and then we endure.

His first initial instinct had been fear. Fear of losing Felicity, just that single thought alone scared him half to death. That was something Oliver knew deep down he wouldn't come back from. If Felicity was lost because of him, he would never forgive himself. He would plummet back into the abyss that Diggle and Felicity had taken the time to pull him out of. They had labored for months trying to bring back his humanity. They had even succeeded too, Diggle had started and Felicity had helped him through his final walls of his defense. She'd pushed through and though she may not know it, she was a part of him now, the most important part.

His Heart. She was ingrained there, etched into his soul. She had inched her way under his skin until there was an absolute truth in the way he could say, "Where he started and where she began was no longer something he or anyone else could determine." She was now woven into the inner makings and thoughts of Oliver Queen. She had changed a part of him that is now irreversible, forever changed. For better or for worse he wouldn't have it any other way than it was now. But, if Felicity was taken from him, he wouldn't be able to go on anymore." The truth in that single thought, seemed to echo in his mind, dulling out its unnerving truth.

That sobering thought was burned onto the forefront of his mind, pushing him to go faster, to ride harder. He didn't know what he would find at the company building, he didn't want to even think about possibility of Felicity not bei….

"_No!"_ he thought furiously toward himself, _"don't go there, it won't help you"._

Revving his bike and weaving through traffic, pushing his way through and sometimes, the owners in their cars didn't notice him or didn't want to notice him in their review mirrors. Growling when the sound of their anger offset in his ears he pulled off the road, and up onto the sidewalk. "Damn it!" He swore. This was taking to bloody long. He won't make it there fast enough.

And right about there, was when his second initial reaction happened. Fierce and deep protectiveness pushed through into his mind, rushing over his entire train of thought and emotion. Oliver needed to protect her, if he was going to make sure that one thing was carried out during their time together, no matter how short; he would protect her. He would go through any means necessary to make sure she was secure and safe in every way she possibly could be. He had made so many mistakes with everybody else, he couldn't fail Felicity. She saw him for who he really was and she had never had to meet the old Oliver Queen. She didn't compare him to Oliver from back before the Island; she based her expectations and image of Oliver for who he was, the choices and actions of the Oliver of today, not for what he did in the past and because of that, he needed to make sure he never let her down. Whatever it took. Even if it wasn't him who had to rescue her this time.

Pulling out his cell and pressing five on speed dial he phoned Diggle. "This is Diggle, leave a message after the beep". Diggles voice reached his ear calm and even through the automate voice mail Damn. Diggle wasn't going to be a help after all.

"Helena might have gone after Felicity Dig, I don't know if she's safe. Come to the company as soon as you get this."

He hung up and looked around, barely keeping the snarl off his face. Looking onto traffic, he saw a long and winding traffic jam caused by an accident way down the highway. Pivoting and looking for an alternative route, he spotted an alleyway nestled between the shops on 5th avenue. Hopping back onto his bike he roared across the street resulting in more noise from the angry car owners he had just cut off. Driving through the alleyway he realized that he had finally hit a lucky break. The alley continued into the other streets maybe even all the way down to 12th avenue.

The building loomed in his visor, and with an alarming trepidation of Felicity's situation. Was she Okay? If he walked in there would she still be breathing? Or would her lifeless, blood covered body greet his gaze when he walked into the room? Maybe perhaps she would be sitting at her desk typing away deep into her code, so deep in thought that she wouldn't have even heard her phone ring when he called to check up on her? Maybe this was all an overreaction on his part.

By the time his deep thoughts had caught up to him he had already ditched the bike, and was frantically climbing the parkade stairs in an effort to make sure his presence was noticed as little as possible. People would ask questions if they saw Oliver Queen rushing frantically to a random IT girl that he had spoken offhandedly only a few times no matter how late it was. The fewer the questions the better, especially How and Why.

Reaching the floor the IT department was located on, he came out of the stairwell with a barely contained energy in an effort to seem nonchalant and unsuspicious. Realizing that he was the only person in sight he burst into action, flying through the lobby before making a right turn towards Felicity's office work space.

Reaching her door he called out urgently, "Felicity"? He saw her panda flats move before a timid but relieved voice called his name weakly, "Oliver, she called out relieved before she tried to call his name again, unnecessarily trying to reach a louder volume. And then Oliver was right there beside her. "I'm here" he voiced relieved that she wasn't dead. More urgently he began to cut her out of her bonds pressingly asking her if she was okay.

Finally released she began to try and sit up. Oliver couldn't help it he needed to know she was okay. Leaning in and gently cupping her face he asked more gently and concern washed over into his tone of voice, "Are you okay?" She reached up to grasp his wrist before nodding silently. The patter of footsteps reached his ears and he exploded into action. The knife was poised above his head ready to be released into the next person that came through that door, should they wish to do Felicity any harm.

Instead Diggle appeared in the doorway, hands up in a show of surrender before saying, "I got your call, what happened?"

"Helena." Was Oliver's cold reply. A look of complete and utter anger taking over his facial expression.

Felicity began to speak, "She wanted the address to the safe house where her father's being kept, she made me hack the FBI database, a helpless expression overcame her face followed by a helpless rely, "sorry Oli..."

She was cut-off before she could even complete his name, "Hey, it's not your fault, he rebuffed trying to erase all guilt in her expression with his words. He paused for a heartbeat, looking into her eyes trying to convey how sorry he was for almost getting her killed, for asking her to break the law, for asking her to lie for him. He was asking for forgiveness in that look, whether she understood or not he wasn't sure. He never was good at transmitting his emotions and feelings. He was never true to them to begin with and now…..even more so.

He faintly remembered Diggle asking what he was going to do. He remembered his response too. He had replied in a voice that was not just angry, but livid, not just cold but ice cold, and not just with acidic but with pure venom "What I should have done in the first place." Then he was back on his bike back on his way to the foundry to change into his Hood attire before heading to the location of Helena's father's safe house.

He had spent the entire ride to the foundry trying to keep the beast within him from breaking free from its cage. Eager to escape; to rip Helena to shreds for what she'd done to Felicity. She had stepped way beyond her bounds and no matter how she seemingly justified reasons and the understanding that he held for her situation, this was something she shouldn't have even thought of doing, let alone actually committing the deed.

He could feel himself losing the tiny bit of control the more he tried to force the rage back the more it seemed to whisper, "_She crossed the line, Felicity could have been killed. She might do it again, we have to stop her, we tried to save her, and she doesn't want to be saved. So let's do her a favor and put her out of misery. Finish her! Kill her!" _the beast whispered and taunted him trying to get him to let him out. Trying to battle Oliver's efforts to push the rage aside opting instead, to let the rage guide and push his emotions into his actions.

As if in a trance, he imagined himself placing one foot in front of the other, bringing him closer to the front of the cage as the beast encouraged him. And before he knew it he was standing right in front of the cage right, hand poised to grasp the lever. Suddenly as if just realizing what he was doing the cold metal of the latch engulfed his hand. He clenched his fist around the small lever and was about to apply the force into lifting it, when a small dainty hand with gold painted nails was placed on top of his arm stilling his movement.

He looked up and standing in front of him was Felicity. He was taken back from what he saw. She wasn't in one of her usually outfits, instead she was in a full length white dress fashioned like a Greek Goddess with a gold belt wrapped around her slim waist. She wore no shoes, her bare feet peeking out from under the hem line and her glasses were missing along with her usually pony tail. Instead her hair was worn in soft waves around her shoulders and seemed to demand his touch. He was suddenly pulled from his observations of her tantalizing beauty by her voice.

"_Don't Ollie." _She spoke softly worry etching across her face as she watched his face for a moment.

Oliver hadn't moved from his spot to much in shock to react or say anything. He then realized she meant him releasing the beast and not about touching her hair like he originally thought she meant.

"_Since when had he become Ollie to her, _he thought inwardly. He watched her face just as she watched his. She seemingly came to a conclusion though because she was suddenly in front of him gently pushing at his chest asking him without words to step back and away from the caged beast.

Finally able to think clearly without the rage clouding his judgement Oliver stepped back. Strangely enough his beast had gone unnaturally quiet the moment that Felicity had entered the vision. After he had moved a good distance away Felicity took her hand off his chest leaving him with a faint longing for the warmth her touch had brought him. She smiled and before he could understand what was happening she was in front of the cage with one hand on the latch. Realizing what was happening he shouted out in alarm, "No don't"! He tried to leap to where she was standing to stop her from lifting the lever but found he couldn't move.

She paused looking over her shoulder at him before she smiled again softly and with the words, _"Shhhhh, Oliver it's going to be just fine. _He tried again, "No Felicity don't!" She didn't pay him any mind and he watched helplessly as she lifted the lever and allowed the cage door to swing open.

The beast exploded from the cage, its cold blue eyes completely fixed on Felicity, circling her as if it was a giant snow leopard stalking its prey. Oliver tried to move again struggling to get to her, trying to save her. His beast would rip her to pieces if he didn't stop it! He needed to protect her, she wouldn't stand a chance. And then the strangest thing happened, instead of attacking like he originally thought the beast would do, it stopped circling her and sidled up to Felicity and licked her hand rubbing against her legs affectionately. Felicity laughed softly, smiling before she began to pet his large head, gently scratching behind his ears which resulted in the large cat to let out a loud purr. She softly crooned to him words he couldn't hear from being so far away. She sank to the ground and allowed the giant snow leopard curl around her at her feet, still licking her hand and purring rather loudly. She continued to give it affectionate attention until the beast was calmly curled at her feet sleeping looking, like an overly giant house cat taking a snooze. She was dwarfed by his size and he was dumbstruck that all she had to do was touch his beast and it was tame as any common house cat. He was unsure about how he should be feeling and still trying to process what he had just witnessed.

She looked up at him, finally acknowledging him once again. She softly spoke, _"Ollie you don't need to kill Helena on account of me. I wouldn't forgive you if you killed someone for me because it would eat at my conscience Ollie." _Oliver tried to protest, "But Felicity she could have killed you! What if she tries again trying to hurt me for not helping her!" She laughed softly, _"Oh you of so little faith, I have faith in you Oliver, I believe that you would be able to save me. I will not have you compromising yourself for my sake. After all you still love her. Oliver, darling, your demons must be faced or they will never be conquered. You must learn to accept who you are and what you want. There is no right answer to be, who you are to be._ With those final words she gave him one last smile before the vision slowly evaporated into thin air as if it was smoke and all he was left with was his memory of her soft smile and her unearthly beauty before she had faded completely.

A sense of calm and the feeling of being at peace seemed to fill him. He searched for the rage trying to figure out where it had gone. But, he couldn't find a trace of it anywhere. Felicity had taken the rage away; she had lulled the beast to sleep with her presence and she had saved him once again, from himself. This realization struck him like a bucket of cold water being dumped over his head. He pondered these thought while he continued on to stop Helena. For while his mind had been preoccupied his body had taken over driving the motorcycle through traffic at top speed to reach his desired destination. He had finished changing and was once again riding through traffic.

Helena had proved to be more dangerous than he had originally thought. Even though Felicity had asked him in his vision to not kill Helena, he knew he needed to, not just for her but for himself. If he let her go she would kill her father, and countless innocent people like the cops that were guarding his safe house to achieve that. That blood that she spilled would be on his hands. He wouldn't be the man Felicity wanted him to be if he let her get away.

They had fought and though she wasn't as skilled as him, anger at him for trying to kill her drove her and she landed a few of her hits. Angry he spoke, "Enough!" Bow draw arrow aimed at her chest. Ready to finish what he had unwittingly started.

This was where things and taken a turn for the worst. McKenna had showed up telling him to freeze lest she put a bullet in him herself. She approached slowly with the words, "Put it down. And turn around" as she came closer. Seeing no other option he began to lower his weapon "slowly" she reminded him. As he did this he hadn't take his eyes of Helena, she also watched him in turn as he crouched slowly, lowering his bow to the ground.

Helena sprang into action grabbing the gun she had lost in action of catching Oliver's arrow he had shot at her. His desperate shout of NO as he tried in vain to rush her did not stop her. The sound of the gunshot echoed and he expected to feel the pain of a bullet entering his chest, but instead no pain came. He stopped confused before he turned towards McKenna. Realizing she was the one who Helena had shot .She lay there completely still, blood spatter on the inside of her jacket and the front of her thighs. Shocked he ran over to her gazing at her body with tears in his eyes, his breathe came out in short gasps as he tried to process what had just happened. "McKenna" he said shocked as he tried to glean a response from her. He reached out to touch her but the sound of sirens stopped him. The police had finally showed up, but it was already too late. Desperately he looked at McKenna once again before turning and disappearing into the woods.

Oliver was shell shocked as he sped away on his bike. McKenna was shot because of him, another causality to add to the growing list of his victims. She could be lying on a hospital stretcher dying and he couldn't go to her because he wasn't supposed to find out that McKenna was in the hospital until maybe later the next morning. In despair he let his body take over the direction he wanted to go.

In the end he found himself back at the foundry; he walked in hoping in vain that Felicity or perhaps Diggle would be there to keep the demons at bay for the rest of the night. But alas no one was in sight. Removing his bow and quiver from off his back, he set them down on the table, before carelessly throwing his jacket on top. In a sudden onslaught of anger he tugged at his boots hastily undoing the laces and kicking them off his feet. The rest of his outfit followed much in the same manner as emotions began to overwhelm him again. He walked to the small locker room he had installed himself where a shower and bathroom was located. He showered, the heat loosening his tense muscles and the warmth lulling his mind into a sense of peace.

After his shower he stood in the center of the room naked except for his boxers and socks. He walked over to the small cabinet that contained extra clothes for the trio in case their current clothes were ruined. He reached inside to draw a new undershirt to go underneath his black long sleeved sweater. But instead what was drawn out was a big soft worn hunter green t-shirt. Pausing not recognizing it as one of his own her realized that it was Felicity's. It smelled like it was freshly washed and he came to the conclusion that when Diggle was teaching her self-defense she had showered here after and changed into new clothes forgetting to take her dirty clothes with her. Diggle must have done the laundry and unknowingly added it to his pile.

Felicity, she had only a few hours ago had been threatened and forced to hack the FBI database. So much had happened during those last few hours that he had completely forgotten to check-up on her. Deciding that seeing her and confirming that she was alright would help calm his nerves and the beast within him as she had greatly proven before. He was finished dressing, when he realized that he had nowhere to carry her shirt. Looking around, seeing no bag to carry it in he decided that if he placed the shirt between the sweater and if he zipped up his coat it would be tight enough so that it won't slip out on the ride over.

The roar of the bike ceased as he pulled up onto the sidewalk a block away from Felicity's apartment building. Pushing the bike behind a dumpster in an alleyway he paused looking around to make sure no one was around to see him hide his expensive bike. Felicity's apartment building wasn't in the worst part of town but it most certainly wasn't the best.

He approached the back of the building and typed in the key code to the back door stairwell. He walked up the stairs to the third floor and walked down the hall to the door numbered 337. He paused debating whether to knock on her door. But decided he wouldn't be able to come up with a plausible story to pass off his presence at her home at this ungodly hour. If worse came to worse he would just say that he came to drop off her t-shirt at twelve o'clock in the morning. His BS stories really were that bad weren't they?

He pulled a key from out of his pocket and inserted into the lock. Stepping in through her doorway he stopped to punch in the security code of the alarm system, disarming it. Yes, he had a key made one day after swiping it from her purse. He also knew what her security code was and had the device give his cell phone notifications whenever the alarm was disabled, armed, or even when a wrong code was punched into the key pad. He did this without her knowledge because he didn't want anyone to find out he was keeping tabs on her, especially Felicity herself. He was the one who had hired the company to add an alarm system in the building. He had bribed the security staff into telling him her security number and the details of the installation. He had not come in person only described himself as the anonymous donor and offered money to him for the information. It was almost pathetic how quickly the man had given in to Oliver's bribing. If he hadn't needed the information he would have beaten him for being so dishonest in his job.

Wiping his shoes on the welcome rug he walked into her apartment. Her apartment was a lot like her quirky, colorful and very open based. Yet he already seemed at ease in the environment she lived in, to him it was the just a different form of Felicity and it put him at ease to be so near her. He turned to the left and walked through the living eyeing the fuchsia pink couches curiously. They surrounded a large wooden coffee table, which was clean except for a stray mug of tea left forgotten on the table. The couches were pushed to right side of the room and faced the opposite wall. The living room was slightly peculiar with the fuchsia pink couches accented by the lime green floor to ceiling bookshelves on either side of the room. Large paintings of colorful abstract art decorated her living room, hung on the wall near her desk.

A fifty inch TV screen was mounted in the center of the left sided bookshelf. The lightly colored hardwood floor peeked out from under the large tan colored rug in front of the television, the rug matched the color of the hardwood floor to seem as if one big unobstructed space. A large desk was pushed to the outside of the wall facing the window away from the entry of the living room, which took up a good sized portion of the wall. The skyscrapers far off in the distance outside her window made a spectacular view at night. While the rest of her living room was neat and tidy, her desk was a mess, papers strewn every which way, odd trinkets where spotted in between the piles of paper. Her laptop was closed resting in the center of her desk quietly humming. A half smile tugged at his lips as he saw this.

Across from the living was the kitchen. Figuring he had enough time to snoop around he crossed over to the kitchen. While the living room was bursting with color the kitchen was fairly tame. The majority of the space was taken up by the large white cabinets. But here and there a splash of soft violet accented the walls, giving it a soft warm glow. The sink faced the outside wall and was almost right beside the stove spaced apart due to the counter space. The counter space went along the walls in the shape of an upside down U. In the center of the kitchen was a lone small counter top. On the near side of the kitchen close to the entrance was a circular wooden table a shade darker than the color of the living room floor, with four chairs surrounding it.

Finished with his observations of the start of her apartment he walked back to the middle of the room where a hallway was. The first door on the right was a storage closet filled with boxes and other items. A little down was the first door on the left, which was her office. A quick glance proved that it had a work table with tools littered across it, computer parts strewn across the table and three different computer desks.

The hallway was very short perhaps eight feet, where another corridor branched off from it. The door at the end of the first hallway proved to be a lined closet, with towels and such. Taking the right down the other corridor, the room on the end turned out to be Felicity's room, while the other door on the left was shut. Stealthily walking into her room he was surprised to find her not asleep on her bed. Her room was different from his, in almost every way, while his room was dark and cool in appearance. Hers was soft and warm, her room was charmingly messy, it looked lived in and used, like a sanctuary. His room was always tidy and picture perfect. He liked hers way better. Unzipping his jacket he removed her green shirt and placed it on top of her bed. Her bed was on the left side of the room facing a large closet door. Two windows were placed side by side of the far side of the room which led to the fire escape. Frowning when he realized that there was no real lock on it. He would have to fix that.

Interrupted by noises coming from the door out in the corridor, he quickly slipped into her closet and peeked out from behind the door. Felicity walked out the room, steam rolling out into the hallway behind her; it must be a bathroom Oliver concluded. Felicity was dressed in an oversize hoodie, while boxers graced her lower half. Her hair was wet and hung down around her shoulders enticingly, he swallowed. She paused and walked into her room, before stopping and looking around in search of something, his breath caught when she seemed to look right at him before her gaze continued on not seeing him. Finished with her inspection she walked back out of the room down the hall and out of sight.

Letting out a breathe of relief he pushed his way out of the closet before making his way over to the window. Lifting the latch he pulled the window opening, feeling the cool air of the night rush into the room. He stepped through the opening before quickly pushing it shut behind him. Not a moment sooner and Felicity's form was seen walking back through the hall to her room. He stepped out of the windows direct few, but from the new angle he could see her bed.

Felicity was back in her room with her laptop. She walked over to her bed and made herself comfortable sinking into the many multi-colored pillows there. She opened her laptop and seemed to contemplate something before her fingers rushed hurriedly across the keys in a practiced manner. As she continued on typing she began to relax, tension seemed to ease out of her. Though her body seemed relaxed, her face was as open as a book, pain and sadness washed across her features as she wrote. After an hour of typing her hands stilled.

She paused for a moment before reaching up and taking her glasses off, her other hand came up to wipe at her eyes and Oliver realized that she was crying. She muttered something to herself, seemingly trying to get her to stop herself from crying. Oliver felt helplessness wash over him as he witnessed Felicity cry. She sat there tears pouring from her eyes. She didn't seem to make a sound; just that her shoulders shook with the effort of crying silently. After a few minutes her shoulders stopped shaking and she reached over to her nightstand to grab a Kleenex and blow her nose. She wordlessly got up and disappeared out of her room.

Oliver watched through her window saddened. Somehow one way or another he knew she was crying because of him. She was in pain because of him and he hated himself for that. A little part of him was resentful of Felicity too; because of the feelings she made him feel.

She made him feel guilty for the things he did. He had a job to do, if he bore the pain alone that was fine with him. Yet he knew she didn't approve of his choice of this lifestyle. She wanted Oliver to be good, be the hero, be the knight in shining armor. He hated her for that because; if Felicity asked him to be hers, he would, in a heartbeat. He would give up his crusade if she asked and that not only angered him, it scared him. He had never felt so strongly about someone since Laurel, and now he was beginning to see that even his feelings for her paled in comparison to the feelings Felicity invoked in him. He hated her for what she could do to him. For Heaven's sake she could tame his beast with just her mere presence and touch! All she would have to do is touch him and he would become her willing slave, wanting to be even. Felicity could make him good, but he had always been bad from the very start. Back before the island he had been a "bad boy" hurting the ones he loved, only caring for himself and then he had went to the island. Where he became a different kind of bad now he killed people, he hurt people, murdered people and that would get her killed if he ever tried to be with her. Being bad was all he knew, he wouldn't be able to do what needed to be done if he wasn't bad. But the temptation of Felicity and all the things she could offer him was sometimes too hard to resist, so he pushed her away, he was harsh and cruel to her in those moments of weakness because if he could make her hate him he could hate himself and keep on doing the things that needed to be done to save the city. The bottom line was that he was bad, bad for Felicity and she needed to know that because that was what was best for her.

Felicity walked back into her room and he continued to watch her. Felicity was once again back at her bed; she pulled her hoodie off and stood shirtless with her back toward him. His eyes widened, as she bent slightly giving him a tantalizing view of her backside in those shorts. She grabbed the shirt Oliver had left on her bed and pulled if over her head. Once again covering her body her skin quickly covered from his sight, he tried not to read too much into the fact that he was very disappointed at the loss of the view she had given him. A small smile overcame her face and she took a deep breathe. He flushed a little realizing that she was inhaling his cologne that he put on after the shower.

She made her way to the window checking the latch and pausing to stare outside. Oliver's breathe caught; she looked beautiful even though you could tell she had been crying, instead it just seemed to add to her beauty. As if she was a fallen angel from heaven, a long way from home. The fact that she was wearing a shirt that smelt of him did nothing to lessen him possessive and protective nature he had for her. As he reveled in her beauty he felt his conviction to keep away from her slip a little more without even realizing it.

She didn't even see him crouched in the corner of her window and he sighed, so much for security. He got in far too easily and had gone unnoticed. That worried him greatly. He sighed as he watched her get back into her bed, "I suppose I'm just going to have to wait until she falls asleep before I leave," he thought to himself. Wanting to get closer to see if she had fallen asleep he moved quietly to the window closer to her bed just as her eyes fell shut before sleep overtook her. He waited a few more minutes watching her sleep, letting it calm him before he had to go out and deal with the real world again. He gave one last longing look at her in her bed, alone. Before he quietly climbed down the fire escape and disappeared into the night.

* * *

_You guys made it all the way down here!_

_Hopefully you got here and you liked it. I'll admit it was struggle to get Oliver right. I hope he isn't too much out of character for you. _

_I did borrow a few ideas from another Fanfiction story with the alarm system but that was too good of an idea to pass up. It won't be all about it but just letting you know that._

_I also want to point out, you know how his beast is a Snow Leopard. I was wondering if there was a better animal you could think of. I was like wolf, tiger,...bear? Oh I don't know. So what do you guys think it should be?_

_Please let me know if you liked it I'd really like to hear from you. _

_:D_


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